Pole dancer

Short shorts and cowboy boots never looked so attractive, right ladies? 

(Blurgh, I think I just threw up a little in my mouth.) 

Twerking his way into our center ring next is Dong Pole Jr., one of the only male Marshtians in captivity. Oh, those lucky, lucky Sleuthettes to have this manly mudstuffin at their beck and call. Dong loves old-school "dancing" with other men, as one can plainly see in the above photo. His philosophy on this subject seems to be the more the merrier. As Dong explains, "aint nothing like getting 2 for one I just love it only if I can get them to meet me in person."

Dong is well-known for "liking" his own comments on Facebook, talking about making other men "squell like a pig," and for his overuse of certain lame catchphrases like "just saying." In addition, judging by how often he uses it in conversation, one of Dong Pole's most favorite words in the entire English language must be "pussy" because he certainly whips it out wherever and whenever he can. Here are just a few samples of his one-note rhetoric:

Dong Pole Jr.: still got this douche bag pming me what a waste of skin !! I did invite him to a face to face meeting for a good ol fashioned dance old school style doubt the pussy takes me up on it   (Originally posted on Facebook Oct. 12, 2013)
this one is to scared of me to meet up face to face but hey that is why he is a PUSSY ASS PUNK just saying is all  (Originally sent on Oct. 29, 2013)
because they are a big a$$ Pu$$Y thats why Jill!!!!!!!!!!!  (Originally posted on Facebook Dec. 2, 2013)

The proud owner of his own primo carpentry business for more than two decades, in his ample spare time Mr. Pole constructs flimsy houses of cards when he isn't lining up dance partners or posting on his dog's Facebook page. He says he's only ever had two complaints about his business, but he was "rectified." (I'm not sure, but that might be some sort of homosexual underworld slang.) To hear Dong tell it, "I have nothing to hide from or be ashamed of my work has always spoke for its self that is why I sign very few contracts with people." (Originally posted on Facebook Oct. 12, 2013)

He signs "very few contracts"? Hmmm, I wonder how he rakes in that 200 grand a year he likes to brag about then? Perhaps he has a sideline setting up social media sites for people's pets or moonlights as an exotic she-male dancer? Just a few points for the IRS to "ponder."

Despite Dong's apparent penchant for pussy, there certainly is a lot that seems rather gay about this queer, I mean, odd guy. Hell, even his dog is named Pecker Head. Let's examine the evidence, shall we? First, there is the above photo in which Dong claims he was "feeling a little fruity." Next there's all of that talk about dancing with men, as in this remark: yes I know but he dont want to dance with me and that makes me sad  (Originally posted on Facebook Oct. 12, 2013)

And of course there are his numerous references to exposing himself and others, not to mention "squelling like a pig," an obvious (though misspelled) allusion to that infamous sodomy scene in the 1972 film "Deliverance." Here are a couple of prime examples of the kind of thing I'm talking about:

Dong Pole Jr.: there is nothing to expose about me if you ask I am more than willing to squell like a pig lol  (Originally posted on Facebook Oct. 12, 2013)
why wait john why not expose him now?? wth why all the secrecy?? aah I do believe this is why Chester is in this mess because people refused to talk until yrs. later !! so do squell like a pig no pun intended !!  (Originally posted on Facebook Oct. 28, 2013)

Although Dong is a longtime minion of Fearless Leader, he recently had a falling out with chief Sleuthette Chatty CathyDin O'Barrell over some of her goofier notions about Chester:

Dong Pole Jr.: (chatty cathydin) you used to make sense but the cross dressing just went too far and yes I did blow it up and no I see no differances and the boots are the same and some people dont always take good photos

(cathydin) you are starting to turn into a clown for this site and a butt of a lot of jokes cant you see this??  (Originally posted on Facebook Oct. 29, 2013)

thanks for blocking me (cathydin o'barrell) cause you have some far far flung theroies so now I dont have to read some of your far flung crazy thoughts  
please come back to earth  (Originally posted on Facebook Nov. 8, 2013)

And it looks like Bitter Billie Rubin isn't the only one with an obsessive "hate crush" on the mysterious Jack:

Dong Pole Jr.: g ot good ol (jack j.) pm me with shit he dont even know what he is talking about and making all sorts of false accusations of me and my business (Originally posted on Facebook Oct. 12, 2013)

hey jack n me hoff just do us all a favor and leave this page cause we dont need nor want you got it !!!!!!!!!!!!!  (Originally posted on Facebook Oct. 6, 2013)

The straight dope on a queer duck

Turn-offs: Pussies, trolls, welding, Streator Police Dept., flashlights, the Dept. of Motor Vehicles, black people, punks, gay Republicans, cross dressing, revoked driver's licenses

Turn-ons: Karaoke night, Mexican food, old-school "dancing" with other men, margaritas, motorcycles, the Rainbow Coalition, Boone's Farm Strawberry Hill, soaped-up pickup trucks covered with racial slurs and homophobic hate speech

Hobbies: Driving under the influence, threatening strangers online, teaching small children how to flip the bird, playing FarmTown, watching NASCAR, taking his Pecker Head out to taverns

Most revealing quote: rustys hair was reb I know because he used to serve legal papers on people for differant lawyers from Ottawa cause he served them on me a few times lol he used to live on the s. side of Ottawa  (Originally posted on Facebook Sept. 27, 2013)

Most illiterate quote: ya all are going nuts up in here with some of theses out rageous and crazy ideas just saying please go to the original srm videos and get get some of your facts straight please I meane come on for goodness sake there is a lot of news footage still out there that is availiable to everyone on thid site so please people do a little digging for yourselfs and do some digging of your own  (Originally posted on Facebook Oct. 29, 2013)

Most libelous quote: had a few of them good old welts from the streator police dept. myself and oops accordind to them I slipped am

nd fell when I was actually hit in the head with a flashlite carried by them imagine that and that was @ 10 yrs ago!!!!!!!!!  (Originally posted on Facebook Sept. 21, 2013)

Most threatening quote: so come on COWARD I HAVE NOTHING TO HIDE SO BRING IT ON PLEASE YOU PUSSY you started this so lets me and you finish this so when ya wanna meet up ??????????????? I love karokie nite LOL pleasew dont be shy or bashful come and see me fot a nite of fun PUNK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  (Originally sent on Oct. 29, 2013)