Number 5 on our hit parade is none other than Icky Vickie Ditchbird, event planner extraordinaire! When the chips are down and their favorite inmate doesn't make parole, the Starved Rock Sleuthettes can count on her to come up with awesome and creative ideas for a fun night out on the town during which the whole gang can gleefully kick up their high heels while boozing in matching attire.
A true social flutterby, this former waitress and laptop layabout maintains a charming correspondence with a convicted murderer: "OH and just so you know I picked up some very nice cards to send to Chester". And Icky Vickie is always on the lookout for her next romantic encounter: "I love stalkers! I found my best dates through them!"
In addition, just like misery, Icky loves company! Upon hearing that Chester Weger failed Oct. 31 to gain his release from Pinckneyville Correctional Center for the 18th time (yes, you read that right), Madame Ditchbird offered to open her home to him. In the mistaken belief that the only thing preventing the triple murderer from getting out was the question of where he would reside, she blithely posted the following:
"are you kidding (CathyDin)? The main reason is because he had no place to live??? OMG I would have him live with me! That's just shocking. What about the rest of his family? No one else could step up to the plate?? This is the saddest, saddest thing I have ever heard."
Er, um, no. THIS is the saddest thing. EVER.:
"Hey seriously I used to waitress at Garzanelli's and we should all meet there for dinner. I will make the reservations and I will spring for shirts, have to be polo. That says justice now for Chester. OH hell help me come up with something and I will order them and I know someone who will give me a discount. I think that would be great. I will even get the news tribune there"
"Don't worry If we have too many cocktails I only live 2 blocks away from there. I think we need to this. No we deserve to do this. We will call it chesters thanksgiving."
"everyone is welcome. let me know and I will set it up. (CathyDin O'Barrell) will need a place to stay for the night. Or we can just get rooms at the hotel and go swimming or bar hopping in Oglesby with our shirts. I know a lot designated drivers that would be honored to chauffer us around for a good cause." (Originally posted on Facebook Nov. 5, 2013)
Since those comments were posted, the Sleuthettes have been publicly shamed by others on Facebook with more scruples than they into changing the name and intent of their "get together for dinner and fun" to an ostensible "fund rasier." They are now charging $25 for a family-style dinner and "Free Weger"-themed T-shirt, which, by the by, Icky Vickie is no longer offering to "spring for." I sincerely hope the designated drivers are still on the agenda.
Favorite film: 200 Cigarettes starring Ben Affleck and Christina Ricci
Favorite song: Smoke Gets in Your Eyes written by Jerome Kern and Otto Harbach
Most revealing quote: "How many licks does it take to eat a tootsie pop? I am planning on quitting smoking this Nov 17 th smoke out. I have quit so many times then start again but Im working on a plan. right now I am only having 1 cigarette and hour so instead of smoking I have ate 3 tootsie pop suckers in 45 minutes. I have drooled on my keyboard a couple times. Oh boy I will be psycho for a week after quitting. I hope Kathi M is around so we can chat then.....last time I quit smoking I threw the radio out the kitchen door cause they played sucky music that day. It wont be pretty. hubby says him and the dogs are going to a hotel for a few days.. UGH but I need to quit." (Originally posted on Facebook Nov. 5, 2013)
Least reassuring quote: "Don't worry girls I can be quite charming when confronted. I just play innocent and naïve and then strike up a conversation. I did it my whole life for money! NO I wasn't a hooker I was a waitress!!! lol." (Originally posted on Facebook Nov. 5, 2013)
Turn-ons: Italian restaurants, discounted polo shirts, stalkers, cocktails, Tootsie Pops, rope, hatchets
Turn-offs: Sucky music, no smoking signs, smoke-free restaurants and bars, rooms crowded with negativity, opposing opinions
Hobbies: Chain-smoking, winter hikes in state parks while armed to the teeth, addressing envelopes, drooling, lurking in murder caves
1 comment:
Funniest damn thing I've read in years!
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